2 years ago I was in Arizona, working in packing and shipping. I’d lost my “dream” Hospitality Management position due to the Pandemic.
Dreaming of being back home with my Grands, a month before the post below, a random opportunity helped me begin the process of moving back home….for good.
Today, I live exactly 15 minutes from my Daughter & her family, and 45 minutes from my Son. I see my Grands whenever I want
I had no idea of my timeline. It was all in God’s timing. I had determination, hard work, opportunity, Hope & Prayer……
“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”
Maya Angelou
Adele is back like the Queen she is and I’m simply in love with her new song ‘Easy on Me’
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to this music
From what I read, the song is to her son, explaining the reasoning behind splitting from his dad and asking him for empathy. Kinda sad…in true Adele fashion.
As with any good song, it usually makes you reflect on personal experiences, and so that’s what I did…of course. The thing about reflection is that it’s not always a pleasant experience, and as I began to reflect, I braced myself.
Here’s a little bit of that refection……
I have 1 son and 1 daughter. He’s grown now, over 40, a father, grandfather, and son to be proud of. Not perfect, but a good man, a good son, and a good father.
She’s also grown now, a Beautiful human, daughter, wife, and mother.
I remember their struggles and how I contributed to them regardless of my intent not to (parents really are so imperfect). I still sometimes seek their forgiveness in their adulthood. I honestly can’t help it…..I’m their Mama and I love them…..
But what I’m beginning to understand is that it is “me” who is seeking forgiveness….not them. It is not their issue, it is mine, and it is my peace that I’m seeking 💡. So I’ve decided to change my focus on forgiving myself, and for someone who is always in their own head (I promise I’m working on this😊), this has been no easy task.
Parenting is not a science. You hope everyone involves survives, physically, mentally, and otherwise. I’m not sure how many other parents feel they could’ve done better if they knew better (I really hope I’m not the only one🙄), but unfortunately life doesn’t work like that. You live and you learn.
Generational gaps and generational opinions have and will always exists, but we must learn to still listen to one another during this age of “breaking generational curses” and healing (which I absolutely agree with). Our children and grandchildren need all the lessons of love from those in the “village”.
What can I say about 2020? Ohhh so many thoughts come to my head. One thing’s for sure, it opened my eyes to how fragile and exposed we are to each other.
This year should have brought humanity closer…..I hoped. Instead, it showed how vulnerable we are, and how the worst of times can divide us even more.
My most favorite phrase this year became “everyone’s not the same”, meaning everyone’s situation was not the same, obviously. But after a while, I started feeling like Ms. Gloom & Doom, Debbie the Downer, or the “Damn…here comes Ms. Negative Nellie reminding us to be empathic to the sad people”. I’m really not that girl, I promise I’m not. I’m actually a lot of fun! I do, however, label myself an empath and probably drive others, as well as myself, a little crazy playing devil’s advocate.
This year’s just made me really sad.
I’m sad for those who’ve lost friends and family to this horrible virus. I’m sad for those who have lost businesses and livelihoods. I’m sad for those who were affected negatively through no fault of their own. But mostly, I’m sad because we could not come together as human beings and figure this out.
My optimistic side is hopeful that we will somehow get it together; I know that sounds dry, but that’s all I got right now, but my practical brain tells me that we have a long way to go. We failed the Humanity test and that makes me sad.
I’ve always liked to write. I’m not ashamed of that. Writing is a way to express oneself, and most times it’s so much easier than talking. I’m also a talker though …….see the problem? I can over-communicate if you let me….lol
What it boils down to is this, I need to be able to communicate. Wait……need is such a “needy” word. How about, I require human interaction in some form….that’s better!
Personally, my need or desire to communicate with others is the reason I’ve been blogging on and off for some years now, and I think I’m starting to like it!
Blogging for me is like writing in a diary. I guess that’s the main reason I’ve never shared it. They are my private thoughts, you know!
But when motivated, this is where I write my most genuine feelings. This is my therapy, my therapist. Yes, my blog is my diary. I’ve always heard that journaling is a good way to help fight depression or just deal with life, and I have to agree, it’s liberating!
Now listening……that’s another story!
I’m learning that listening is a developed skill-set that I’m still working very hard to master. It’s much tougher to learn than speaking, but it’s so much more important and so valuable when you learn it.
“They” say it’s the reason we have two ears and one mouth.
Oh where, oh where do I start. I haven’t blogged in awhile so you all bear with me:)
Ok let’s start with the title.
So these aren’t my words or sentiments (referring to the title). I personally believe that you’re never too old to learn new things. When I get to that point, send me Home to my Maker!
I’m just saying.
I was actually told this by someone very, very close and dear to me years ago when I was a little bit younger and still figuring out some shit. Hey….I’m still figuring out some shit, and I’m over 50! I have to admit that it initially hurt my feelings to hear these words, especially since we were exactly the same age, and I thought that we felt similar in that neither of us had totally figured out this thing called life. I found out I was mistaken, and that’s ok because everyone’s journey is different. No love lost and we’re still friends today, but I know our individual journeys may again someday take us in different directions. God willing, we’ll always find our way back to each other and the friendship we hold dearly. In the meantime, in between time….I’ll keep learning and growing as I grow older. I’ll keep teaching the youngins (those that want to listen), and those old-heads who believe like me that you’re never too old to learn a “new thing”. I’ll keep seeking adventure and enjoying the Life God has blessed me with….Good or Bad
They say don’t talk so loud, young ladies shouldn’t raise their voices”. So, I speak quietly when I share my opinion, but….I share my opinions. They say, “be careful how you talk to people and choose your words wisely…”you don’t want to offend anyone”…so, I take extra time gathering my words, but my opinion remains unchanged, for the most part. Maybe it’s not the volume and tone of my voice that offends……maybe it’s my opinion.
Me!
I had an incident today or maybe the incident just happened to me. The first way just sounds way better……gives me more control over a situation I felt I had no control over. As women, we’re expected to play so many roles, wear so many hats…..yada,yada, yada. But unfortunately, it’s true, and today I felt like all those hats ‘came a tumbling down‘ all at once. I think I had a meltdown…….not a breakdown, but damn close.
My short travel experience has taught me a few things. One is that you can’t act the same way every where you go. My mother used to say (and I’m sure some of you’ve heard this)….“You betta know how to act when you go out this house”….I knew that meant when we arrived at our destination, I’d better be on my best behavior and if I didn’t have any “home training”, I’d better act like I did.
We live in a society of people with different backgrounds, beliefs, and perceptions and that in itself is a “beautiful” thing; however, because of these differences there has to be a standard of etiquette among “us”. Now let me explain , I’m not saying we have to all act the same or think the same, or even express who we are in the same manner. Individuality is a wonderful trait. What I am saying is that we should all strive to present our “best selves” when presenting ourselves to the world and to one another.
Just My 2 Thoughts 